I’ve lost 15 excess pounds. I’ve gone off anti-depressants. I seem to have quit engaging in “shopping therapy.” I’ve gone back to cooking on a fairly regular basis. I’ve started taking lovely care of my fingernails, even though that means seeing someone every two weeks for professional treatments.
Funny how these things work.
This morning I got up and grabbed the cell phone to clip on my hip as usual. Then I realized that it was not, technically, required this morning. I smiled, because it reminded me that, this morning, two people were free. My father died in the small hours yesterday morning. If there’s any mercy in this universe, he is free of the demons which plagued him all his life. I’m now free to remember the times they didn’t stand between us.
Yesterday was my father’s 90th birthday. It’s an interesting landmark for a man who, when he was born, wasn’t supposed to live until morning. Or a man who, when he had a major heart attack at 45, wasn’t supposed to last much into his 60s. Or a man who, when he was in his early 70s and was treated for prostate cancer, was told that there was no possibility that he’d live long enough for it to kill him if it did come back. It hasn’t, but if it does, I’m not taking any bets.
He’s slowed down since Christmas. He’s now at the point where his cognitive processors can’t handle sentences of more than about five words, incoming or outgoing. He’s also a little deaf, at least in the left ear, so conversation is a bit of a challenge. Most of the time, when he comes in from left field, I can figure out where he’s been, but every once in awhile I’m mystified. Then again, that was always the case, as far back as I can remember.
I can’t help but wonder how much better his life might have been if there had been diagnosis and treatment for depression and ADD when he was younger. At least now his depressesion is being treated. I think it’s too late for the other and I doubt, with his heart, if his doctor would be willing to try stimulants in any event.
One thing that hasn’t changed is that when he makes up his mind, it’s not good to confuse him with facts. Back at Christmas, he knew that he was going to be 90 this year. However, since then, something changed. Yesterday he was determined that he was 80 and it was not well received when I said otherwise. You’d think that after all these years, I would have learned.
